Sorry for being gone for so long. I've just been having difficulties dealing with all the things happening.
First off, the tension between my ex and I reached a fever pitch and I finally had to kick him out because he hit our older child. He also laid hands on me (not the first time) and pushed my mother down, aggrevating an old knee injury she had. And it's not the first time he's had an outburst. Technically, my mother kicked him out, but I'm backing it, and refusing to defend him anymore. Surprisingly, even after being in the middle of all of this, the sister of mine who's with him is actually somewhat on his side since 1) he hasn't done anything to her and their girls, and 2) we threw him out in the cold when he has diabetes, no money, and no where to go.
I find any of those reasons lacking in logic. The only reason I feel sorry for him is because a large amount of his check is being garnished for back child support. Even then I don't feel that bad because he should have tried harder to get himself a job and not insist that I should do it for him. I'm also bummed that this is yet another thing that stands in the way of us ever coming to an understanding, but what's the point? 10 years I've tried to change this man, and each time I get scorned. I don't want to wash my hands of him, but nothing I do is good enough. The only thing he feels I've given up for his sake is World of Warcraft. What a douche bag.
As you can imagine, the Child Protective Services has also been involved, causing other stresses. i'm still not entirely sure they don't want to take the boys as a safety precaution because I haven't heard anything in a week.
So basically, the man I reguarded as my best friend once, the man I married, which does mean a lot to me, despite the current consensus on marriage, the man I considered a mentor, a savior, and the closest thing I've actually had to a father, is now my #1 enemy because of his actions and refusal to make himself better, despite my best efforts. Fantastic. My worst fucking nightmare come true. Right after he leaves me for someone else when I'm still in love with him. I don't really want to know what life has in store for me next, if things are going to continue to degrade this way.
As a result, my creative outlet has shut itself down again. I don't even have a million ideas running through my head for things to do like normal. I just want to curl up in a ball and die. To this end, I have been playing World of Warcraft to try and keep myself afloat. I hope one day I can say that I'm playing it 100% for fun, but for now, anytime you see me playing it, it's most likely so I can keep myself from completely hitting rock bottom.
I'm down in such a bad spiral right now, and I hope to get better soon. I probably will not be posting any art for a while, and probably won't open commissions again until around June. Anything I post will be personal stuff or my WoW fanfiction, the first chapter of which I plan to finally post today.